Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
