official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
