i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
