drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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