the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You ruined the universe
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