It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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