Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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