just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
