I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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