hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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