I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
