dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
