ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
