I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize