How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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