You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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