Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
