Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
