if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She said her name was "party"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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