Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
