Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
