You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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