I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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