i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
