Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
