I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
