i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
