There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My ATM looks so different sober.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
