Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
