yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
