i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
