WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
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Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
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I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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