i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Blood and glitter go together right?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
