So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
