I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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