Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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