Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
