I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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