Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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