Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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