Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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