everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
