Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
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It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
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You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!