You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.