i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
