Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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