between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize