She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
