someone owes me an orgasm
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
