I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
