Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
