whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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