Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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