I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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