apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
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Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
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Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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