I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
