And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
