Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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